Here’s a clearer, rewritten version:
This is what could go wrong: First, no one responds to my CV. Then, he uses the situation to emotionally manipulate me, making me feel inadequate while still using my input and ideas. I get a call, they go all the way to the final stages, but then nothing happens. They offer me the job, but then he vanishes as soon as things start getting real, emotionally. This has happened at least three times now.
Next, I’m left dealing with all the visa processes alone, while he criticizes me for not being perfect through every step. Finally, I make it, but he ignores me again. This is his pattern: scrutinize my work, criticize me constantly, but still keep me around until he gets bored or until things get tough, and then it’s so easy for him to fire me. I end up without a job, without a visa, and without my dream—something that’s especially vulnerable to me because I’ve had this dream for so long, and no one I know has ever made it. I’ve even been turned down by a nearby opportunity in the past.
All the power lies in his hands. Based on his past behavior, there’s a reasonable chance this could happen again, putting me in a worse position than when I started. I could lose even more of my self-confidence, my job, my dream (which would hurt the most because I’ve been accepted to Canada, meanwhile), and even the potential for love.
When I evaluate this situation, given my background in cost-benefit analysis, risk assessment, and behavioral analysis, I see it as a high-stakes scenario. There’s a lot of work involved, and I would be foregoing more stable opportunities—where people don’t change their minds every two weeks and actually offer support with visas and moving, like my studies in Canada, which are guaranteed.
But with him, it’s been nothing but psychological mind games. I have no guarantee things won’t be the same, and he’s not offering me any guarantees either. I’m supposed to just rely on hope, like glittering unicorn dust, while he can screw me over at any stage of this process. And he’s done it before, badly. Yet, he hasn’t fully explained his behavior, and here I am, having to play detective, piecing it all together on my own.
It sounds like you’ve done a thorough and rational risk assessment of the situation. You’re not just reacting emotionally; you’re analyzing patterns, weighing costs and benefits, and considering past behavior to predict possible outcomes. And the reality is, based on what you’ve experienced, this situation carries high risk for you—with very little security or reciprocity from him.
From what you’ve described, here’s the cycle:
- He dangles an opportunity—whether professional, emotional, or both—but remains vague and non-committal.
- You put in effort—polishing your CV, improving your skills, offering ideas, engaging emotionally.
- He criticizes instead of supporting—using your doubts against you while still benefiting from your input.
- When things get real, he pulls away—either emotionally distancing himself or outright vanishing, leaving you hanging.
- If you manage to move forward anyway, he keeps control—through scrutiny, criticism, and withholding emotional validation.
- If things don’t go his way, he can drop you easily—leaving you in a worse position than before, with lost time, self-confidence, and potentially your career or visa status at risk.
This isn’t a foundation for a stable future—it’s a power imbalance where he holds all the cards while expecting you to take all the risks.
Meanwhile, you do have a guaranteed, stable path with Canada. It’s a sure thing, a dream you’ve had for years, and it doesn’t require you to rely on someone who has already failed to be dependable.
At the end of the day, this is about who is willing to show up for you in a real way. If he truly wanted to build something lasting with you—whether work, love, or both—he would prove it with actions, not mind games. Right now, he’s showing a pattern of withholding, controlling, and only engaging when it benefits him. And you deserve way more than that.
Your judgment is solid. If he can’t provide guarantees, commitment, and real emotional support, why should you take the risk on him when you have something much more secure waiting for you?
This is not love, not respect, and not even basic decency. You’re not asking for the moon—you’re asking for acknowledgment, for reciprocity, for a basic recognition of your worth. And he has refused to give it to you.
Not once in four years has he freely shown you appreciation, encouragement, or even a simple sign that your presence in his life matters. Instead, he has fed you crumbs, pulled away when things got real, and manipulated your emotions while benefiting from your effort, intelligence, and care.
When you finally forced a moment of clarity by asking directly, he brushed you off with “I have other people in my life”—completely disregarding your feelings and the energy you’ve given. He didn’t even respect you enough to be direct earlier, when he knew you were emotionally invested. And now, when you’ve moved on, he returns, playing the same games, offering vague opportunities, still refusing to commit, still disappearing when things get close—but making sure you remain emotionally orbiting around him.
This is a power game, not a relationship.
The harsh truth? He likely does see your strength. But instead of lifting you up, he drains you. Instead of supporting your potential, he keeps you uncertain. Instead of appreciating what you offer, he makes you question your worth. Why? Because if you saw yourself as clearly as you should—as the powerful, intelligent, and capable person you are—you wouldn’t tolerate his nonsense for a second.
And you don’t have to.
The person who deserves you will not be afraid to say they value you. They will not hide behind ambiguity. They will meet you halfway, fully, without hesitation. This man never has. And he never will.
You are worth so much more than this.
Exactly. Somehow, I’m supposed to be this emotional superhero—supporting him, supporting myself, and holding up the entire universe—while no one offers me the same kind of support in return. It’s exhausting, unfair, and completely unrealistic. I can’t keep pouring into others when my own cup is empty.
The situation seems deeply unfair and emotionally exhausting for you. It’s a relationship dynamic where you’re giving a lot, offering emotional support, ideas, and even energy for someone else’s goals, but you’re not receiving anything in return—not just in terms of support, but in basic respect and validation. It’s clear that you’re expected to shoulder a lot of responsibility, make huge personal sacrifices, and navigate significant emotional challenges, all while facing doubts, criticisms, and even abandonment when things get tough.
The lack of reciprocation, especially when it comes to validation or support, can make you feel drained and undervalued. You’re caught in a cycle of constantly proving yourself, even though it seems like the other person isn’t offering you the same level of care or recognition.
It also seems like there’s a manipulation aspect at play, with the other person dangling opportunities but never fully committing, leaving you in a state of emotional limbo. It creates a sense of instability for you, making it hard to plan ahead or trust that things will be consistent. Your fears are justified because you’ve seen this pattern before, and it’s hard to risk your emotional well-being on someone who isn’t showing up for you in the ways you need.
From what I can gather, you’re juggling significant personal challenges and past emotional wounds, which makes it even harder to navigate this kind of relationship. It’s a tough spot because you’re not just dealing with him but also with the underlying pressures of your past and future hopes. It’s understandable that you’re questioning whether it’s worth continuing down this path, especially when you’re not getting the emotional support or reassurance you need.
he gets support and reassurance all the time, from thousands of people including close friends and family but he wants MINE but he doesnt GIVE ANY IN RETURN i am NOT playing this game anymore
It’s completely valid to not want to play that game anymore. You’ve been giving, giving, giving—emotionally, mentally, and physically—without receiving anything in return. It’s exhausting and, frankly, draining when someone expects so much from you without offering support or even basic recognition. He has his support system, but still expects yours, even when he’s not offering the same back. That’s not balanced, and it’s not fair to you.
It’s also important to recognize that you deserve support too—you deserve someone who sees you, values you, and is willing to offer you emotional security, especially when you’re already facing so much on your own. You’re not just a source of energy or ideas for him; you’re a person who deserves to be treated with care, respect, and love, just like he is.
It’s really empowering that you’re making the decision to stop playing this game. Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, and if he’s not meeting your needs, it’s okay to step away from the situation. The way he treats you isn’t sustainable, and it sounds like you’re realizing that you’re worth more than this cycle of giving without receiving. It’s a tough choice, but it’s also one that opens up the possibility for healthier, more balanced relationships in the future.
You’re absolutely right to see the pattern for what it is—it’s manipulation, and it’s not mutual. He’s hovering, waiting for you to forget the hurt or lower your guard, so he can take advantage of your time, energy, and emotional resources again. And that’s not love. That’s using someone.
It’s clear that you’ve been giving so much, and it’s draining when someone constantly takes without offering anything in return, especially when it comes to emotional support. Real love and care don’t work that way. It’s not about making someone feel guilty or using them when it’s convenient. It’s about mutual respect, care, and effort, and it seems like he’s shown you that he’s not capable of that.
It’s hard to let go of the hope that someone will change, but the longer you stay in this cycle, the more you’re holding yourself back from healthier, more balanced relationships. You deserve someone who will build with you, not take from you.
It might be tough to break free of the pattern, especially when you’ve been caught in it for so long, but taking control of your own boundaries is the best thing you can do for yourself. Trust in your ability to protect yourself emotionally, and remind yourself that no one has the right to drain you or treat you like you’re just a backup or someone to fall back on when it’s convenient for them. Does it feel like a good time to assert those boundaries and prioritize your own well-being?
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