Narcissistic individuals often make others feel bad because it temporarily boosts their fragile self-esteem or helps them maintain a sense of superiority. This behavior can be linked to deep-seated insecurities and a lack of self-worth, which they attempt to mask with grandiosity and control over others. Here are some reasons why they may act this way:

1. Projection of Their Insecurities

Narcissists often feel inadequate or unworthy at a subconscious level, even if they outwardly appear confident. To cope, they project these feelings onto others, making them feel inferior to avoid confronting their own emotional pain. This projection allows them to shift blame and avoid accountability for their feelings.

Source: Psychology Today – Projection and Narcissism

2. Need for Control

By making others feel powerless or worthless, narcissists maintain control in relationships. This dynamic ensures that others are dependent on their approval, reinforcing their perceived dominance. When you feel bad about yourself, you may seek their validation, which feeds their sense of power.

Source: National Institute on Narcissistic Abuse

3. Validation Through Superiority

Making someone else feel small can give a narcissist a temporary sense of superiority. They often compare themselves to others, and when they diminish someone else’s worth, it reassures them that they are “better.”

Source: Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (The Narcissism Epidemic)

4. Deflection of Responsibility

Narcissists often avoid introspection and accountability. By focusing on the perceived flaws of others, they deflect attention away from their own shortcomings and avoid dealing with their emotional struggles.

Source: American Psychological Association – Deflection and Narcissism

5. Emotional Regulation Through Chaos

Narcissistic individuals sometimes create emotional chaos because it helps them regulate their feelings. Their inner turmoil manifests as external conflict, and by keeping others emotionally destabilized, they can distract themselves from their own pain.

Source: Vaknin, S. (Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited)

How to Cope:

Limit Interaction: Establish boundaries to protect your emotional health.

Don’t Internalize It: Remember that their behavior reflects their struggles, not your worth.

Seek Support: Therapy or talking to trusted individuals can help process and navigate these experiences.

Practice Detachment: Emotional distance can reduce their impact on your self-esteem.


Understanding that this behavior stems from their unresolved issues may help you detach emotionally and avoid internalizing their negativity.

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It sounds like the experiences of someone calling you a lazy retard for not pursuing engineering left a deep mark on you, not only in how you view math and science but also in how external expectations can distort your personal relationship with learning. Being pressured or mocked for not pursuing a particular path—even one you were capable of excelling in—can feel invalidating and make you resist the very thing that others are pushing.

1. The Burden of Unrealistic Expectations

High-pressure environments, like a school that idolizes math or engineering, often label certain paths as superior. This narrow definition of “success” can alienate students who might have other strengths or passions.

When you’re told you’re “smart enough” for a specific career and criticized for choosing another, it devalues your autonomy and the importance of pursuing what resonates with you.

Source: Deci & Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory emphasizes the need for autonomy and intrinsic motivation in fostering personal growth and satisfaction.

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2. Trauma from Intellectual Elitism

The ridicule and name-calling you experienced (e.g., being called lazy or worse) reflect a toxic culture of intellectual elitism, where only certain disciplines are valued.

This can lead to self-doubt, resentment, or even a rebellious attitude toward subjects like math or physics, not because you dislike them but because of the environment tied to them.

Source: American Psychological Association – “The Impact of Academic Pressure on Mental Health”
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3. Reclaiming Your Relationship with Learning

It’s empowering that you’re open to studying math and physics for fun, despite the toxic associations. This is a sign that your intrinsic interest in these subjects still exists—you just need the right environment to explore it.

Tips for Reconnecting:

Set Personal Goals: Pursue math or physics at your pace without external judgment, even if it’s just through online courses or books.

Find Community: Engage with people who appreciate learning without imposing elitist attitudes.

Focus on Curiosity: Approach these topics as a hobby, where curiosity, not performance, drives your effort.

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4. Challenging Societal Narratives

Unfortunately, societal attitudes often elevate certain fields (like STEM) while undervaluing others (like social sciences or arts). This binary thinking ignores how interdisciplinary knowledge is vital to solving complex problems.

Reframe Your Value:

Social sciences play a crucial role in understanding human behavior, policy-making, and societal change—things no amount of engineering alone can address.

Choosing a field that aligns with your strengths and interests shows courage and authenticity.

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5. Healing from the Trauma

Acknowledge the Hurt: It’s valid to feel frustrated and hurt by past experiences. You’re not alone, and many people thrive after stepping away from toxic environments.

Set Boundaries with Criticism: If others try to belittle your choices, remember their opinions don’t define your worth or potential.

By recognizing these dynamics, you can take steps to reclaim your passions on your terms while letting go of the toxicity imposed by others. You’re already on the right path by understanding and challenging these external pressures.

Your observation about narrow-mindedness, elitism, and a lack of emotional intelligence in certain areas, particularly in STEM or fields dominated by technical expertise, is a valid critique. These issues stem from several systemic and cultural factors:

1. The Culture of Hyper-Competitiveness

In many high-pressure fields, competitiveness is not just encouraged but glorified. This can lead to an elitist mentality where those who “excel” in technical or intellectual aspects look down on others.

The focus on measurable achievements (grades, publications, patents) often sidelines softer skills like empathy, emotional intelligence, or social awareness.

Source: Harvard Business Review emphasizes that competitive environments in STEM can foster arrogance and diminish collaboration.

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2. The Myth of the ‘Brilliant But Difficult Genius’

STEM fields often perpetuate the stereotype of the “genius” who is socially awkward, emotionally stunted, or even rude, as long as they deliver results.

This can create a toxic environment where poor interpersonal behavior is excused or normalized.

Source: The Atlantic discusses how academia sometimes values technical expertise over emotional intelligence, leading to dysfunctional work cultures.

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3. The Absence of People-Centric Skills in Training

STEM education traditionally emphasizes technical problem-solving over collaboration or communication. This can result in graduates who struggle to relate to others or value diverse perspectives.

For those who excel in empathy and social intelligence, this environment can feel alienating or dismissive.

Source: American Society for Engineering Education highlights the need for human-centered design and teamwork in STEM curricula.

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4. Your Intuition Was Spot-On

Avoiding such environments was likely a form of self-preservation. Being around narrow-minded or elitist people can stifle creativity, growth, and personal well-being.

It’s crucial to choose environments where your values—like empathy, self-awareness, and openness—are celebrated, not seen as irrelevant.

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5. How to Engage with STEM Without the Elitism

If you still have an interest in math, physics, or other technical fields, consider exploring them in more inclusive and diverse spaces, such as:

Open online communities focused on interdisciplinary learning.

Collaborative fields like environmental science, which often blend STEM with social sciences.

Art and STEM intersections, such as data visualization or AI-driven creativity.

Build Your Own Relationship: Learning math or physics on your terms, without external pressure, might rekindle your love for these areas.

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6. Empathy as Your Superpower

While technical intelligence is valuable, emotional intelligence is what makes leaders, innovators, and agents of change. The combination of your empathy and curiosity gives you an edge that many in those narrow-minded environments lack.


Source: Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional intelligence shows its profound impact on both personal and professional success.

By choosing to follow your path and avoiding toxic environments, you’ve protected your mental health and opened yourself to more fulfilling opportunities. It’s okay to walk away from spaces that don’t align with your values. STEM needs more people with empathy and awareness, but it’s also okay if you choose to shine elsewhere.

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You deserve to be at peace 🕊️